From time immemorial man has pondered and struggled over the question of what it is to be human. Even today as a whole we have not yet sorted it out. If we had, society would be more beneficial to being human rather than buckling down under the fearful drive of man’s basest impulses.
One aspect of being human is the good me and the bad me. The good wolf and the bad wolf. The angel and the devil. Who do we listen to?
I am fully aware when listening to the good wolf (get on the exercise bike, let that comment wash off you like water on a duck’s back). And it feels good. But sometimes I don’t care or can’t help giving in to the bad wolf (why did you eat that cake; how dare she say that to me). Something is influencing me not to take the better path. Is it ego? Fear? Desire? What story am I listening to that is guiding me to behave in a way that is not good for me?
The Indigo Girls sing in one of their songs, “it’s never too late but you don’t get any younger / starve the emptiness and feed the hunger.”[i] A good decision feeds the hunger and empowers us. A bad decision is unfulfilling and ultimately never satisfies. There is a payment to be made giving in to fear, which I’ve found is at the root of my own negative behavior and decisions. And each time I give in, it consumes my strength just a little bit more. One little fearful decision at a time gnaws at my good humanity.
Sometimes we lie to ourselves. We give in to fear and say we deserve it, call it self-righteous, or we’re doing it for someone’s own good. We deceive ourselves and believe a rationalizing story rather than face the actuality of our actions and face it for what it is.
Giving in takes many forms. It’s okay to eat that chocolate today. But eating it 5 times a day when you’re 40 pounds overweight, that’s something you may want to think about. It’s okay to be bothered that someone said something unkind to you. But it’s not healthy to let that negativity hijack your thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
It’s okay to feel vulnerable or afraid. It’s a fundamental part of being human. But it is ultimately destructive to ignore it, do nothing about it, or let it commandeer our choices and behavior. Fear used to warn us to run away from being eaten by an animal. The fight or flight adrenaline. Today our minds create delusional threats from something that was or wasn’t said or done, something that offends us or pricks our ego. Our ancient nervous system does the rest. Rather than understanding it, we react, we get defensive, we get angry. We give our power and peace away to everything we allow to upset us. As Rumi says, how will you be polished if you are offended by every rub?[ii]
I write this for myself as well as whoever this may resonate with. I find that paying attention to feelings, rather than running away from them, can lead to understanding, acceptance, and release. On the other hand, ignoring them, they stay with you like an unwelcome guest and you’ll never find peace. And it will only get worse.
Being human is making a choice. It’s hard, it’s vulnerable, it’s often painful to make the good choice. But it’s also thoroughly human, which means you are not alone. All throughout time and space humans have gone through the struggle between fear and courage, weakness and hope. But we can do something helpful about it. History is full of people who have overcome. Jim Rohn says that success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced every day.[iii] Self-discipline really is a form of self-love. It gives us strength and can contribute to a more fulfilling tomorrow.
We can take baby steps in not giving in, in honestly addressing it. That’s always a good place to start.
[i] https://www.discogs.com/release/2185517-Indigo-Girls-Watershed
[ii] https://every daypower.com/rumi-quotes/ #154
On Being Human 